Giving feedback

Giving and receiving feedback is key to engaging your accountable stakeholders and keeping them on track.

Feedback can lead to outstanding performance when done in the right way and with the right intentions. 

Team members have to know what they are doing well and not so well.

For them to really hear your thoughts and suggestions on ways to improve, though, that feedback has to be delivered carefully and frequently.

Giving feedback is a skill. And like all skills, it takes practice to get it right. 

Check your motives

Before giving feedback, remind yourself why you are doing it. 

The purpose of giving feedback is to improve the situation or the person’s performance. 

You won’t accomplish that by being harsh, critical, or offensive.

You’ll likely get much more from people when your approach is positive and focused on improvement. 

That’s not to say feedback always has to be good, but it should be fair and balanced.

Be timely

The closer to the event you address the issue, the better – don’t store it up!

Feedback isn’t about surprising someone, so the sooner you do it, the more the person will be expecting it. 

Think of it this way: it’s much easier to provide feedback about a single, one-hour task that hasn’t been done correctly than it is about a whole year of failed, one-hour tasks.

That said, if the situation is highly emotional, wait until everyone has calmed down before you engage in feedback. 

The recipient will more likely hear what you’re saying, and you’ll both avoid saying something in the heat of the moment that you regret later.

Ask for permission

You would be surprised how much of a difference this makes!

A simple “Hey, do you have a minute for some quick feedback?” can help the receiver be mentally ready for it, be it positive or negative.

You should also never deliver negative feedback in a public forum or place where you are likely to be overheard.

State what you observed

Give feedback from your perspective. This way, you avoid labeling the person.

Say, “I was angry and hurt when you criticized my report in front of my boss,” rather than “You were insensitive yesterday.“

A feedback session should also discuss no more than one or two issues. 

Any more than that, and you risk the person feeling attacked and demoralized.

You should also keep your observations to things they can actually change or influence.

Talk about positives, too

A good rule is to start with something positive. 

This not only helps put the person at ease; it shows them what success looks like and what steps they need to take next time to get it right.

Try to end on a high note, too. 

Be careful, though, as many leaders tend to overdo this and end up sandwiching the constructive feedback between too many positives. 

Then the takeaway message becomes, “Gee, I’m doing really well,” instead of “I’m good at communicating with external stakeholders, but I need to bring my interpersonal skills with my co-workers up to that same level.“

Be sincere

If your tone and manner don’t match the context of the feedback itself, you could send out a mixed message that confuses the recipient. 

If the feedback is positive, let your emotions also indicate that you appreciate their efforts. 

For negative feedback, a more concerned tone will show that you believe the problem should be taken seriously.

Most importantly, always avoid displaying negative emotions such as anger, sarcasm, or disappointment, as they are likely to be perceived as personal (as opposed to professional and constructive) criticism.

Explain the impact

Point out the direct impact that resulted from your observation, again being as specific as possible. 

Saying, “When you called the meeting to an end without leaving time for discussion, it made me feel like you did not value the team’s input,” or, “I noticed that the clients were upset,” is much more effective than “When you don’t leave time for a discussion, you look like a control freak.”

Personalized statements like “it made me feel” and “I noticed that” are more difficult to argue with, and using those phrases will keep the feedback session from devolving into a debate.

Pause

When you’ve said your piece, stop. 

Ask for the other person’s reaction. 

Give them time to think through what you’ve said and react to it.

Agree next steps

Agree a small number of actionable suggestions (ideally only one or two) that the other person can take in the future to do better or improve. 

To the extent it is possible, the person receiving feedback should be able to self-identify the way forward; if not, you should try and lead them to that point.

You should also be prepared to take a level of responsibility or ownership for actions – try not to just leave it all up to them.

For example, you might offer extra training, mentoring, or support to assist them in achieving their agreed goals.

Importantly, though, these mutually agreed aims should be SMART!

Follow up

The whole purpose of feedback is to improve performance. 

You need to measure whether or not that is happening and then make adjustments as you go. 

Be sure to document your conversations and discuss what is working and what needs to be modified.

We talk generally about feedback between a manager/supervisor and a team member. 

However, feedback can and should be given up, down, and sideways – the same principles apply!

We will refer back to feedback in Module 3 about managing team performance and leadership.

Source: Mindtools

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Receiving feedback

Asking for feedback is one of the best ways to feel ‘in control’ of your work, get an accurate idea of what is expected and judge how you can improve even further. 

It can have several positive benefits for you and your team: 

• It helps build a feedback culture (where feedback is part of ‘how we do things’).
• It builds relationships that are based on trust.
• It builds your self-awareness about your managerial skills and style.

Yet not all feedback is solicited – it often comes spontaneously from stakeholders!

Here is a five-step process for positively accepting feedback.

Receive

Foremost, be aware of and manage your emotional reaction to what you are hearing.

Be aware of your body language, facial expression, and tone. 

Maintain eye contact and be careful not to get defensive (not even crossing your arms).

Actively listen to the feedback and allow them to finish before speaking yourself.

React

Your immediate reaction (and this may be not easy) should be to look the person in the eyes and thank them for sharing feedback with you.

Don’t gloss over this – be deliberate and say, “I really appreciate you taking the time to talk about this with me.”

Expressing appreciation doesn’t have to mean agreeing with the assessment, but it does show that you’re acknowledging the effort your colleague took to evaluate you and share their thoughts.

Refine

Avoid engaging in a debate; instead, ask questions to get to the root of the actual issues being raised and possible solutions for addressing them.

For example, if a colleague tells you that you got a little heated in a meeting, here are a few ways to deconstruct the feedback:

• Seek specific examples to help you understand the issue.
  • “I was a little frustrated, but can you share when in the meeting you thought I got heated?”
• Acknowledge the feedback that is not in dispute.
  • “You’re right that I did cut him off while he was talking, and I later apologised for that.”
• Try to understand whether this is an isolated issue (that is, a mistake you made once or many times)
  • “Have you noticed me getting heated in other meetings?”
• Look for their desired solutions to address the feedback.
  • “I’d love to hear your ideas on how I might handle this differently in the future.”

Reflect

Depending on the feedback, you might need to pause and even defer the discussion to give yourself time to think properly about what you have heard.

You must be prepared, though, to be honest with yourself about your performance and open-minded about what the other person has said. 

If, after reflection, you don’t agree, prepare to evidence your alternative view with examples and facts of your own.

Respond

A misunderstanding about feedback is that if you listen to it, you must act on it. 

Often, what is most important to people is being heard, not what you choose to do subsequently.

You build your relationship with someone when they feel heard, which is achieved by you listening without judgment. 

What actions you take as a result is up to you. 

That said, we would recommend that you reinforce the value you place on their feedback agreeing on steps forward, circling back around, and letting them know what you ultimately did or did not do (and why).